You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
