Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my being single is dangerous.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
