I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
