I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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