Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
