so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
