32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
