dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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