I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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