thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
