Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
