the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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