I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
