Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
