dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
