When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
