i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????