the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after