Dude i fell asleep inside of her
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.