Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
