I think my fart just growled at me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Help me help you realize you are a moron