I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend