Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"