yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.