Screwed.edu
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
