just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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