Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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