I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
