so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
