You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
