at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i used baking grease as lip gloss
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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