Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
