ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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