she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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