Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
