Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
