Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They took my balls.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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