My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize