six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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