going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
