Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
