At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
