My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
