She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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