Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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