I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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