The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
