if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
