Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
