If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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