I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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