guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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