My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
