just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
