Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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