Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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