Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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