It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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