Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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