I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
