guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
