Who wears a wallet chain?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
