Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
