Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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