Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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