im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
