Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
