Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
this is an emotional support booty call
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
