Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
