My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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