i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
