I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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