i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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