no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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