it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
