moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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