He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
