Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
